The maid of honour traditionally hosts the bridal shower, with the bridesmaids helping to plan it. Today anyone close to the bride can host, from her mother to a best friend, and whoever hosts usually pays.
Traditionally, the maid or matron of honour takes the lead, and the bridesmaids share the planning with her. Other people can host instead, or co-host: a sister, a best friend outside the wedding party, an aunt, or the bride's or groom's mother.
Older etiquette said family shouldn't host, because a shower thrown by the bride's own relatives could look like the family asking for gifts. That rule has relaxed, and a shower hosted by the bride's mother, or shared between her and the bridesmaids, is now common.
Yes. The mother of the bride often co-hosts with the maid of honour, and an aunt or the groom's mother may offer to host on her own. A bride who lives far from her family may have two showers: one with friends near her home, and one with relatives in her home town.
Family hosts tend to have a say in the guest list and the setting, especially when they are paying. If you are the bride's mother, our guide to what the mother of the bride wears covers your outfit for the wedding day.
The host pays, and when there are several hosts they split the cost. How that works depends on who is involved.
She leads the planning but isn't expected to fund the whole party. A fair approach is to say what you can put in, then ask the bridesmaids and the bride's family what they would like to contribute.
Bridesmaids often cover smaller costs such as decorations, favours and games. Those who can't spare money can still help: etiquette expert Elaine Swann of The Swann School of Protocol, speaking to The Knot, suggests sending invitations, setting up the food, decorating or cleaning up.
Often, yes, at least in part. She may pay for the venue or the food and split the rest with other relatives, which earns her a voice in the plans.
Sometimes. A couple may choose to fund their own shower, particularly a couple's shower with a mixed guest list. If someone has offered to host, though, the couple shouldn't be asked to pay.
When several people contribute, Swann recommends that one person collects the money and makes the purchases, so everyone knows who has paid what.
The setting decides most of the cost. New York wedding planner Jason Mitchell Kahn suggests starting from what a good brunch costs in your area, then adding the extras. His figures for a shower in New York:
| Item | Typical cost in New York | What it covers |
|---|---|---|
| Food and drink | US$75 to US$100 a guest | Brunch, drinks, service and tax |
| Invitations | US$1 to US$30 each | Simple online invitations up to custom printed ones |
| Decor and activities | US$20 to US$50 a guest | Flowers, decorations and games |
Kahn's advice for keeping costs down is to choose a venue that needs little added decoration and to send invitations online. Outside a big city, a shower at home with a simple menu costs far less.
Photo: Büşra Yaman (Pexels)
A home is the most common choice and the cheapest. A private room at a restaurant, a winery or a spa day suits a host who would rather not cook or clean up, and an afternoon tea at a hotel takes care of the food and the setting together. If you're in Sydney, see our list of hotels for a bridal shower high tea, and for a themed tea, our Bridgerton bridal shower ideas.
The host agrees the date, guest list and style with the bride, then books the venue and sends the invitations with the registry details. For invitation wording, see what to include in bridal shower invitations, and pick a couple of our bridal shower games for the afternoon. On the day, the host welcomes guests, keeps the schedule moving and notes who gave each gift, so the bride can write her thank-you cards.
Usually, yes, though it can be small, since the party is a gift in itself. A practical piece for the couple's new home or something personal works well. Our guide to bridal shower gifts has ideas at every budget.
It can, but the bride should still provide the guest list, so the right people are there. Think about her personality first: some brides love a surprise, and others would rather know the date and dress for it.
Yes, if the bride wants a mixed group. Many showers now include guests of every gender and are called wedding showers or couple's showers. Our guide on whether men should be invited to the bridal shower covers how to word the invitation.
The shower is the first of several gatherings before the wedding. The rehearsal dinner comes close to the day, and a wedding away from home often adds a welcome party for travelling guests.
Written by
Senior SEO Specialist, Wedded Wonderland
Mark Tuason is the Senior SEO Specialist at Wedded Wonderland, where he writes and refreshes the brand's guides to destination weddings and cultural wedding traditions. He starts with the questions couples search for, checks the answers against trusted sources, and shapes each guide to help them plan, compare and book with confidence. Based in the Philippines, he specialises in content strategy and on-page SEO.
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