Family will never be so important to you than in the lead-up to your Wedding. They’ll be your shoulder to cry on when things get stressful and offer sound advice when you have a dilemma; however they can also be the source of many of your Wedding planning issues, adding their entire list of bingo friends to your guest list and attempting to have a say in your colour scheme.
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No matter how painful they may be, rest assured they’ll never top this list of dysfunctional families! Buzzfeed asked their readers to share their juiciest family secrets – and some of them are whoppers,, so here are our top 16.
While you’re reading these, say a little prayer of thanks that all you’ve got is a crazy aunt and a grandfather who likes his scotch a little too much.
1. My Grandma Married My Mum’s Boyfriend
“My mom broke up with the guy because she thought there was something going on with him and my grandmother, and now he’s her stepfather.” — quirkywhovian
2. My Aunt Had an Affair with a Priest
“She lied and said the child was her husband’s and no one ever knew it wasn’t his except for me and my mum. The kid is now 15 and has met the priest once or twice, but doesn’t know he’s his father.” — Rorycat
Image from Paramount
3. My Dad Kidnapped Me
“He died in 2005 when I was 24, so he was never punished and we never understood what truly happened to us. My biological mom had been trying to find us for the first five to six years. We finally got in contact with her.” — Blueyedcole
4. My Great-Grandma Killed My Grandad’s REAL Mum
“My great-grandmother raised my grandfather as her own — a generous deed after having pushed his ACTUAL mother out a window, killing her.” — coriyochima
Image from Channel 9
5. My Parents Are Swingers
When I was in high school my parents went on a trip to the Bahamas. One night I went to borrow my mom’s leather jacket, and while I was in her closet I found travel brochures for my parents’ trip. It turns out they were on a swingers cruise!” — Novelidesa
6. My Uncle Had a Second Wife
“When my uncle died we discovered he had a second wife that he was legally married to and spent most of his time with. “Literally no one on either side knew about the bigamy for over 25 years. He also purchased the same prefab house, same furniture, same everything for each of his wives so their houses mirrored each other (and probably helped him to keep his story straight).” — avcmurray
7. My Mum’s Family Were Satanists
“My mother’s paternal family was full of actual Satanists. They were even investigated a few years ago by the state of Kansas because some evidence — possibly linking them to human sacrifices — was unearthed on the old farm where they used to live. But nothing conclusive was found, apparently. A few of them are now dead, and those that aren’t are lying low.” — Roni Johnson, Facebook
8. My Grandad Was Part of the Mafia
My dad’s real father left when he was young, and until a year ago we didn’t even know his name. When we finally found out we looked him up online and saw he’s one of the heads of the Polish mafia and wanted for 70+ murders.” —kellyp4a82477cd
9. The American President Rumour
“My great-great — I have no idea how many ‘greats’ — grandfather is rumoured to have had a homosexual relationship with Abraham Lincoln.” — edhshines3
10. My Dad Has a Love Child
“A few years ago we found out my father has a mistress and a love child. Recently he confessed that the child isn’t the only one he’s had outside of his marriage to my mother. Altogether he has five other children, and two of them are close family friends. I went from two siblings to seven in a week.” — lbeth
Image from United Artists
11. We Should’ve Been Millionaires
“According to my father, the Astor family stole the fur/riches from our family hundreds of years ago, and thus earned the fame/money of being the most prominent fur-trading family at the time. It’s crazy to think that if they hadn’t stolen what they did, it could be my family’s name on the Astor Place subway stop and the Waldorf-Astoria hotel! In the meantime, I will be sitting here with my 59 cent ramen noodles.” — Janiemerick
12. My Grandma Was Kidnapped
“When my grandmother was 12 she was kidnapped for two days. She was later returned, and everyone pretended like nothing had happened, including her mother. To this day, she will not talk about it and we’re not allowed to bring it up to anyone or tell other members of my family.” — chanteliacovie
13. Kissing Cousins
“My dad’s parents are cousins.” — Lola2902
14. Dangers Liasons
“My great-great-grandmother was widowed eight times. That’s a lot of husbands to bury. She managed to amass a considerable amount of wealth from her ‘misfortunes.’” — sashab40859da03
15. The Eddie Murphy Scandal
“I finally met my favorite aunt’s son at my grandpa’s funeral and he was very charming and polite. I later found out he was a con artist. One night while watching the news we saw his name and face on the screen. Apparently he stole millions of dollars from Eddie Murphy’s ex-wife.” — morgans497f017c8
16. And the Winner is (Seriously, You Can’t Beat This Secret)…
“My great-great-grandmother (let’s call her GG) was on her deathbed when the doctor asked my grandma how many children GG had given birth to. My grandma — knowing GG had a stillborn baby and then my great-grandfather — said, ‘Two.’ My grandmother’s aunt, who was also in the room, shook her head and said, “No, sir, she had just one.” My grandma, thinking her aunt must have forgotten the stillborn, said, “It’s two, because she had a stillborn and then my dad.’
“That’s when my grandmother’s aunt pulled her out of the room and explained the truth…
“GG apparently gave birth to a baby who didn’t survive, but wasn’t going to leave the hospital without a baby. So she decided the best course of action was to…steal a baby. Nobody knows how she got away with it — or how she got her fingers on a legal birth certificate — but my great-grandfather was a stolen baby.” — Autumn Ocoyne, Facebook
Image from NBC
Main image from Amazon’s Transparent. Original article from Buzzfeed.
