Image via Tea with Jules
We’ve had our fair share of laughs and “what the?!” moments watching the latest season of Married at First Sight, but now it’s time to get serious, Fairies. Married at First Sight relationship expert John Aiken hit the Tea with Jules couch with Jules Sebastian to share his top tips for a great relationship.
The good news is, there’s no need to move mountains: “It’s the little things you do daily, not the grand gestures,” he says.
Listen, don’t fix
At the end of every day, do a daily debrief and ask your partner how their day was. It builds a sense of a real team. It’s absolutely vital that the listener emphasises with their partner and sides with them, but never tries to fix. So, don’t offer a solution or advice – just be in their corner.
Bring up issues softly
The way you start a conversation is often how it’s going to go. So, if you bring up the conversation with, “Why do you always …”, “you never …” and so on, your partner will get on the defensive and the conversation won’t end well. So, bring issues up softly.
Say hellos and goodbyes
Hellos and goodbyes are really important, so before you leave home in the morning make sure to kiss you partner goodbye, and when you come home, rather than going straight to the dog, cat or children, go straight to your partner and kiss them.
Saturate your relationship
Saturate your relationship with five positive interactions to one negative, so things like compliments, praise, gratitude, doing the errands, unloading the dishwasher etc. If you do five of those it saturates the relationship and you start getting this positive perspective and everything seems really rosy.
It’s important to prioritise having sex. Once a week, that’s the sweet spot. Sex is another way of connecting with your partner, and it’s a way of saying that what you have together is something special.
Rein in your technology
If your partner wants your attention, make sure to respond – don’t tap away on your smartphone. Ignoring your partner will wind them up, so if this means spending less time on technology, so be it.
Put your partner before your kids
Kids catch stress, so if a couple is really good, strong and chilled, their kids are chilled. When we are resenting each other and when we are not connecting, kids are going to pick up on that and they’re going to play up. So, I always think, I’m going to prioritise my wife over my kids. Some people may not like that, but I think if you get the relationship right, the kids will fall into line.
Watch the full Tea with Jules episode here.
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