Getting married is the biggest decision of a young woman’s life, so if you had a daughter, what would tell her before her wedding day? We asked our Mother’s Day 2015 panelists for the beautiful words of wisdom they’ll share with their children before they say ‘I Do’.
I have a son and a daughter and my advice to each would be different.
For my daughter, I will tell her to train your husband early! More importantly, take care of yourself, as well as your husband. I find that I am the best wife and mother when I look after myself and go to the gym, eat healthy and get a facial. When you first get married, you tend to focus solely on your partner all the time, but if you do this, when there’s an argument, you aren’t as likely to compromise, because you’ve already given so much of yourself to them. When you’re focusing on yourself as well, you will be happier to negotiate and even give up on something in an argument that isn’t that important to you.
For my son, I’ll tell him that the wedding is one day, so let your bride have what she wants! All jokes aside, marriage is a partnership, so don’t get caught up in the big day. Marriage is the start of a new family, and a wedding signifies the start of a new unit with your wife – both of your happiness.
I would give the same advice to both of my children and that’s take a look at your partner’s family and parent’s relationship. Upbringing plays such a huge part in what makes a person and often we take after our parents, whether we like it or not.
Also, I’ve always told my children, if you’re going to get a tattoo, don’t get it where I’ll see it on your wedding day.
Marry your Best Friend. A person who will always value you, love and respect you. Marry the person who makes you a better person without changing you into someone else.
To both of them, to prepare in life, to finish an education degree and be self-sufficient and independent.
I agree that there would be different advice for my sons and daughters, but one thing I have already told all my children to do is to write a list of all the attributes they want in a husband/wife. This is so important, because if you fall in love, you tend to overlook all the negative attributes, so writing down the type of partner you want and having it there for you to refer to, can bring you back down to earth and remind you what’s important long-term.
For my daughters, I will advise them to understand a man’s needs and bear in mind that these needs are different to your own. It sounds very 1950s, but make sure you keep your husband happy and remember that they are wired differently to you – men don’t often like to talk about their feelings, so bear this in mind. Your husband’s goals are also incredibly important, so work with him to help him achieve them.
For my sons, I will tell them that marriage is serious. Mates are great, but your wife should come first. Women change monthly and tend to be more emotional than men, so don’t react too strongly.
From my experience, men live in the now, whereas woman hold on to the past. If there is a disagreement guys tend to say their piece and move on. Women tend to hold on to the moment and it can last for days. Women can then lash out at something trivial, not related to the original argument and the guy can’t understand why and thinks that the woman is over reacting. His wife is carrying the hurt from the argument from days before. She feels it has not been rectified but he has already forgotten it.
For my son – Husbands need to learn this statement and use it often “is there something wrong that we should be talking over” and it will all come out into the open.
For my daughter – She needs to realise that he is totally over that last argument and has forgotten it. Unless she feels it’s still important and needs to be discussed, she should be prepared to bring it up in a non-threatening way to work through it. Don’t stew on it. The bible says “If you become angry, do not let your anger lead you into sin, and do not stay angry all day” (Ephesians 4:26).
I have never treated my children differently because of their gender, so I’d probably give them the same advice. Don’t rush into anything and make sure that you and your partner are on the same page. It’s either 100% from day one, or nothing.