There is a sad fact when it comes to marriages. A lot of them do end in divorce. The person you thought might be perfect for you turns out not to be and the issues you have become larger than the love you have for each other. Life is stressful and your marriage can be stressful. This starts right away, even before you’re engaged and planning your wedding. But once you get into that planning phase it’s a lot more trying than an argument about where you’re going for dinner on a Friday night.

For a lot of people out there, pre-marital counseling is an instinctive no. We think there’s some kind of stigma in needing help in our relationships. Even more, we’re scared that perhaps this amazing relationship we’re in might not be so amazing and we don’t to admit that. For couples getting married, particularly those who have never lived together, these pressures are instantly larger. You’re trying to decide on the perfect venue and the perfect dress, but in the back of your mind are all those other questions. Where are you going to live? How are you going to pay for a mortgage? When does he want kids?

Premarital counseling is about answering a lot of those questions and coming up with a plan for your life together. If you’re wondering whether it might be for you, read our top three reasons for and against premarital counseling.

1. It’s practical
Premarital counseling is not just about talking out the problems in your relationship. Part of it is practical. It is the opportunity for you and your partner to discuss things like wills and where you want to live. It is a chance to talk about kids and whether you want them or how many as well as the things that are important to you in raising them. It also allows you create a timeline for your relationship and discuss any big money issues.

2. You can talk out your problems
Every relationship has its problems. There is no reason to deny that. Premarital counseling lets you talk about those problems with an outsider. They won’t have a vested interest in the issues and this means they give you genuine advice. Who doesn’t need a Switzerland (a neutral person) every now and then?

3. Get closer
It’s a reality for most people that as you know more about someone, you like them more. Learning things that your guy would usually keep quiet will create more of a bond between the two of you. On a normal day, we don’t get an open mike to talk about your relationship and how important you are to each other. Who doesn’t want to hear that?

1. New Problems
Sometimes, dwelling on the negatives and potential negatives can cause more problems. In your relationship, those rose coloured glasses could be a good thing. It will let you see the best in your partner and those potential annoying habits that might make your grit your teeth will fade away. On the other hand, talking about them might make them seem even larger and cause you both to blow things out of proportion. If you do decide to have premarital counseling, make sure you leave what’s said in the room there. Don’t take it home with you.

2. It Does Nothing
Maybe your relationship is actually that good. Some couples are have already developed the skills they need to talk out any issues between them. That traditional idea of not going to bed angry has solved many fights. Also, just because someone offers premarital counseling doesn’t mean they’re good at it. If you can, find someone that has been recommended by a friend or family member. This can make a huge difference.

3. Things could be bad
Your relationship may not survive. When you’re dealing with emotional issues, this is always a risk. As perfect as you thought you might be, once you’ve start dealing with real topics, you may find out all bets are off. The reality is you may not be as compatible as you thought. While this is the extreme outcome, we can’t help but feel even this might be for the best. After all, it will save you even more heartbreak in the future.

Posted in Expert Advice, Planning, Pre-wedding by wedded wonderland

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