We’d be lying if we said that this messy Dean-Davina-Tracey love triangle wasn’t the main thing pulling us back to Married At First Sight every night. It’s a plastic-fantastic sight to behold.
For a quick bit of background to the scandalous foursome (we’ve got to throw in Davina’s unlucky beau, Ryan, who definitely deserves a lot better than this): Dean imposed a week-long intimacy ban on his marriage, he and Davina got frisky at the last dinner party, Davina tried to lull Tracey into a false sense of security despite knowing she would be trying to steal her husband, and Davina and Ryan got matching love heart tattoos while Ryan also got a mermaid tattoo that apparently resembles Davina (we don’t see the similarity).
Okay, Onto Episode 13
Dean and Tracey open the show, lying in bed together after their celibacy week comes to an end (shudders). We’re (forcibly) treated to a shot of Dean in his underwear, staring out the window and telling the camera that the experts might have gotten it right with Tracey. On the other hand, he points out that Davina is “hot” and now he’s really gotten himself in a rut.
Meanwhile, Tracey is living in an alternate reality where Dean is some kind of romantic sweetheart and we just want to pull her out of his sick daydream and tell her everything will be okay.
Elsewhere, Davina is basically rubbing her hands together in preparation for tonight, though she continues the act she pulled on Tracey earlier by telling the camera that she doesn’t want anyone to get hurt. Meanwhile, oblivious Ryan is too busy guessing that Sean and Jo will call it quits tonight to realise that his Manic Pixie Mermaid is ready to drop him.
In other news, Telv and Sarah deal with a slight bump (Telv still has dating apps on his phone and deletes them all) and Jo admits that the past week hasn’t been great with Sean and we’re already mourning the loss of her on our screens.
Commitment ceremony time! Honestly, we’re just here for the love triangle (or is it a square?) but also for Sean and Jo.
No one is surprised that the two decide to leave – Sean hasn’t even been living with poor Jo. But it was beautiful watching Jo rip into everyone about why she was paired with Sean, and it was even greater watching his face as she implied that she might be giving it another go … until she gleefully pulled out the “Leave” card and laughed maniacally. Go Jo.
Now to Dean and Tracey (yes, yes, the other couples are still doing okay). In case anyone wanted to know – yes, Dean and Tracey had sex again (crickets from Davina). Dean then gives his speech, revealing that he and Davina had met up and she had suggested that if things didn’t work between him and Tracey, “there might be something there” between them.
Davina cuts in and the victim-game begins (we see through you). She says she sees through Dean now, even yelling “How could you do that to Tracey? You made love to her last night!” He says he was never fully committed to leaving Tracey for Davina, he tries to act as though he respects Tracey (fake news!), uses his new wedding ring to lure Tracey in, and then burns Davina:
“Our attraction is, I feel, a little bit more of a superficial thing … Last night, chatting with you, it made me really appreciate what I have with Tracey.”
Meanwhile Tracey is on the side, delivering the classic, “I’m too old for this shit! Seriously. I’m just … too old.”
Despite Nassar and Sarah advising her to let him go, Tracey stays with Dean. Yeah … we’re struggling to understand that too.
Meanwhile, poor oblivious Ryan chooses to stay, while Davina – who admits that she’s only there for herself, despite the show being about mutual relationships – chooses to leave.
You’re stuck now, girl, and so are we.