Every girl dreams of her wedding day being something out of a perfect fairytale, with exquisitely executed details, a loving spouse at the end of the aisle, and loving bridesmaids that will support her. While this sounds simple in theory, it is important to understand that for a smooth-running wedding day to occur, you need to have bridesmaids that are willing to give you as much of their time as possible.
Unfortunately, sometimes the hiccups you face have less to do with your wedding-planning skills and more to do with your bride squad. Removing someone from your bridal party is a task no bride dreams of doing, yet often needs to be done. Whatever the reason, there are a few steps you should follow to do it right. Scroll below for our caring advice, Fairies!
Meet In Person
For you to have asked a girl to be your bridesmaid, it must mean you have a certain level of love and respect for her. It is therefore important that you let her down easy, for the purpose of avoiding damaging your entire relationship. Do not fire a bridesmaid over a call, text or email! Unless there is a significant distance factor involved, it is crucial that the conversation happens in a space where both parties are able to express their emotions. A FaceTime call or Skype could work a bit better, but we still recommend a good sit-down session. Generally, a written message doesn’t get feelings across in the same way. Additionally, if you fear a highly emotional reaction, have the bridesmaid visit your house. A public space such as a coffee shop may lead to mutual feelings of discomfort and reluctance to express real feelings.
Be Polite But Direct
This one is tricky, Fairies. It is crucial that you avoid laying into your girl if she has done something wrong, and rather focusing on the facts. Try something like “I am so sorry, but I need to ask you to step down as a bridesmaid.” Avoid words like “I’ve been thinking”, “maybe” or “do you think?”. Remember – this is YOUR special day. No matter what the reason, your girl should be able to understand that you must put yourself and your own personal comfort first. Be clear and firm, but maintain a regular voice tone to avoid an argument.
Following the announcement of your decision, your girl may want to know the reason as to why you have changed your mind. Even if not asked, you should still explain yourself. If there has been a recent falling out, acknowledge that it has impacted your relationship, while if she hasn’t been as helpful as you had hoped, simply let her know. It is important to be transparent and honest, especially if you want to potentially maintain a relationship with her in the future.
Acknowledge that what you are doing may come across as hurtful. After all, you’re the one firing her! It is okay to apologise if she becomes upset, and it is also okay to be firm. After all, your wedding day, will be selfish; or else it defeats the purpose of it being yours in the first place! If your expectations or needs were unclear, say so. If you had underestimated how much time or money you would need your bridesmaids to commit, make sure she knows the role you played in that.
Let Her Speak
Regardless of your relationship with this girl, it is important that you let her take it all in, and respond with her own feelings towards the matter. She may admit that the bridal load had become too much for her, and happily agree to attend as a regular guest. Or she may reveal that a recent illness or family situation has left her upset. Or she might become very angry and rude, and simply storm out… Either way, it is important to maintain your cool and avoid a fight. Hopefully, you two can talk it out and maintain your friendship.
Know There Will Be Consequences
While you are allowed to be selfish during your ‘Bridezilla’ phase, you need to be aware that removing someone from your bridal party doesn’t always result in both parties’ happiness. Before you even start the conversation, know that there’s a chance this could have a major impact on your relationship. She may decide not to come to your wedding, or that she doesn’t want to maintain your relationship anymore. If you are prepared to face these consequences, start the conversation. However, if the risk of losing her as a friend entirely outweighs any frustrations you might be having with her performance as bridesmaid, delegate her tasks to other bridesmaids or ask a family member to step in and help.
We hope this has been helpful, Fairies, and wish you the best of luck!