Just a when you thought all the drah-ma was over, Channel 9 threw the most epic dinner party.
Our favourite same sex (newly divorced) couple, Craig and Andy have gone missing (possibly drowning their sorrows somewhere exotic like Ibiza), but the three renaming lovebirds, as well as our other freshly divorced duo, Jess and Dave make an overnight trip to the Blue Mountains for a relaxed, mature dinner party (we’d rather be in Ibiza and Craig and Andy… #JustSaying)
What could possibly go wrong?
During the first 30-minutes of the episode, we get loads of filler. Couples pashing, couples playing in tropical locations wearing very little, boring conversations over dinner (with dramatic backing music to try and trick us into thinking there’s tension).
Then the remaining happy couples, arrive at dinner.
From our (Kraft) ‘singles’, Jess manages to arrive first, wearing a fresh outfit obviously purchased on a Thursday night from her local Westfield. She can’t wait to confront Dave about his ‘doucheness’. She blabs to the other couples about her hellish honeymoon with the man who has the emotional intelligence of a preschooler. They all take Team Jess… Obviously.
Dave arrives and it gets awkward.
While Mark and Monica head into the fake kitchen to fake cook dinner (you’re not fooling anyone with your random hacking into that poor sweet potato, Mark), there’s some action happening outside.
Bella starts talking about her sex life. In graphic detail. And then attempting to show every other guest exactly HOW she and Michael get it on (seriously though, I think they made it to second base at the dinner table). This would be fine if she didn’t proceed to push everyone else into blabbing exactly when and how they first had sex with each other.
Keller politely declines to take part in the conversation, but Bella insist and questions why they are uncomfortable about sharing intimate details (Intimate (adjective): private and personal).
Then Keller makes an error by quipping that Bella must have had loads of past boyfriends because she slept with her fake husband on the first night.
Michael then steps in and…
Keller blows up and tried to punch Michael in the face.
Mark steps between the two boys and the girls vacate inside to drown their sorrows in budget-priced Chardonnay.
We’re left hanging with an ad break. What’s going to happen? Will there be blood? Is that an advertisement for online dating (furiously writing down website)?
Post ad break and our waiting was in vain. Boys make up, girls get drunk and we’re left perplexed as to how the most sane couple to come out of this episode is thumb-warring, clean-freaking, exercise-junkie-ing, bad-joking couple Mark and Monica.
‘Til next time, Fairies…
