A lot can happen between the time you pick your Bridesmaids and when you finally tie the knot, and although we like to think our gal pals will stick with us through thick and thin, nothing can prepare you for the toll that planning a Wedding can take on the friendship.
If it gets to breaking point and you feel like you need to break-up with your Bridesmaid, you’ve got to tread carefully. She may done something wrong or you may have simply got ‘Bridesmaid happy’ and picked too many, either way you don’t want to completely ruin the friendship.
Here are our seven tips on how to break-up with a Bridesmaid, but still keep a friend.
1. Pick Wisely
First things is first; before you get yourself into the situation of having to demote a Bridesmaid, make a game plan on how many girls you’re having and do a quick shortlist. Consider the past relationship and your current situation – Is this a new friend or someone who has been in your life forever? Is she trustworthy and reliable? Can you financially afford all these Bridesmaids? If you choose the perfect crew from the outset, you won’t have to worry about breaking up with your Bridesmaid!
In every single relationship, communication is key. If your Bridesmaid has said or done something to upset you, don’t bottle it up ‘til you explode, that will only make matters worse. Alternatively, if something personal is happening in your life that will impact on your Bridesmaids, share it with them! They will be more understanding than you think.
3. Pull Them Up
If you’ve been noticing your bridesmaid slacking off, you’re finding that the two of you are drifting apart, or you simply aren’t happy with her, the best thing to do is to pull her up about it. It’s possible that she didn’t realise, but once you confront her, she steps up her game and you might not have to dump her at all! However, if things still aren’t working out, the best way to handle the situation is to be honest and tell it to her straight. It may be hard at the beginning but it’s better to nip it in the bud, than wait until the week of the Wedding!
Image from Meredith and Tate’s Wedding. Photography by Corbin Gurkin.
4. Face to Face
Just like when you break up with a boyfriend, when you’re breaking up with a Bridesmaid, you’ve got to do it face to face. Resist the urge to send her a text or call her and instead, arrange a coffee date. It’s best to have the hard conversation in ‘neutral territory’, so at a café or park as opposed to your home. Remain calm during your chat and explain why you’re removing her from the Bridal party without getting emotional.
5. Do It Alone
As tempting and comforting as it sounds to have some back-up when breaking up with a Bridesmaid, it is something you need to do alone. If you bring along your other Bridesmaids, you risk your ex-‘maid feeling threatened and intimidated which can ruin the friendship forever.
6. Give Her an Out
Weddings can be stressful for everyone involved and sometimes your Bridesmaids can feel very overwhelmed and this could be the reason for her distance. Give her a chance to opt out of the pressure of being a Bridesmaid before you ‘fire’ her and consider asking her to help with another aspect of the wedding. Maybe she just broke up with her long-term partner and isn’t up for the time-consuming BM duties…
7. Prepare for Failure
In a perfect world, the ‘demoted’ Bridesmaid will understand the situation and there won’t be any hard feelings; however it’s more likely that her emotions will be running wild. So, before you decide to really break-up with your ‘Maid, make sure you are 100% sure and have good reasoning; also, make sure you’re prepared for the worst-case scenario – which is a complete relationship meltdown.
Image from Helen and Trent’s Wedding. Photography by Image Play.
Main image from Brigitte and Nick’s Wedding. Photography by Shona Henderson Photography.