We’re only two episodes into this season of Married At First Sight and we are promised more ‘drah-ma’ than you can poke a stick at. Hold tight, Fairies; here we go!
First-up we meet 31-year old banking officer, Jess whose loud, confident and occasionally overbearing personality reminds us of Clare from S2; so already there are warning bells – did the producers choose Jess and her future husband to be odd couple that are just on the show to make it interesting? We seriously hope not, especially after last season’s car crash that was Clare and Jono…
Anywho, Jess skulls wines like a trooper, doles out heaps of dating advice to her girlfriends, along with detailed tips on how to recognise whether a guy is ‘well hung’, proving she must be like an expert in the male species or something.
After much ado about not much, we meet Jess’ future hubby, 28-year old account manager Dave. Producers have decided that Dave must have the personality of a wet rag, because all we learn is that he used to be overweight, but now he spends his spare time doing lunges and squats at his local park.
We’re calling it, Jess and Mark will be the first couple to split.
We’re hoping MAFS used the money the saved on all the scientists researching the personalities of Jess and Mark and invested into the compatibility of the next couple…
Yay! Our first same-sex couple are being matched. Gorgeous 41-year old marketing agency director, Andy is attractive, eloquent and intelligent. He’s the type of guy that would be every girl’s dream guy… if he was into them.
The producers show us Andy’s underwear drawer and it’s given our type-A personalitys bedroom envy. How does he fold his jocks so neatly? His socks have the perfect amount of ‘roll’! Wait, are they colour coordinated?!
Andy is being matched with 41-year old hairdresser, Craig who laments that he’s been looking for love everywhere – in the gym, in bars, on public transport (which means he must be serious, because generally the only thing you find on public transport is used tissues and a few contagious diseases).
The big surprise for this season is that there are five couples walking down the aisle – and half of our final couple is radio announcer, Bella.
Bella is bubbly, sweet and comes across as a little naïve. She explains, “Five years ago it was more about having fun with guys — and now, I’m getting serious about it. Well, if I haven’t met anyone by the time I’m 36 I would start freaking out. Only because in Sex & The City that’s when Carrie met someone.”
Word of wisdom, Fairies; if the only reason you’re looking for love is because Sex & The City told you to, there’s an issue.
Bella is matched with 32-year old accessories designer Michael who is already #HusbandGoals. Michael is successful, good-looking and sold everything to bring his mum and sister to Australia for a ‘better life’.
Because all of the couples in the first episode got on swimmingly, we’re betting that they’re got to be some tension in the next three Wedding ceremonies…
Bella and Michael have an instant connection as she walks down the aisle. You know the butterflies you get when you see you hubby? Bella had butterflies that had just turned into zombies and were trying to escape, she turned into a giggly, ‘lost-for-words’ schoolgirl and it was adorable.
Bella read out her vows, which, let’s be honest sounded like they were taken out the script from Mean Girls.
“I promise to make you laugh when you’re sad and send you heaps of heart emojis.”
The only awkwardness was when Michael read out his very mature, thoughtful and mature vows calmly and without giggling at every second word. He even managed to get misty-eyed during the reading – swoon!
Bella and Michael are probably going to live happily ever after.
On to Jess and Dave.
Jess arrives to the ceremony and Dave makes this face. It’s not a great sign of everlasting love…
He then proceeds to go all ‘Jono’ from season 2 on us (remember the ‘she’s not what I ordered’ line?) and says, “If I’m being 100% honest … I don’t want to come across as some prick, but I had expected probably something a little bit different.”
The say ‘I do’, but there’s definitely going to be trouble in this paradise.
We’ve been holding onto our seats for Craig and Andy’s nuptials, but unfortunately we’ve got to wait until tomorrow. Stay tuned!