Germans do not have one wedding, they have three. The legal one at the Standesamt, the noisy one the night before, and the celebration itself. Almost every custom people remember comes from the last two: smashing porcelain at the Polterabend, sawing a log in half, stealing the bride. Here is what each means and when it happens.
Whilst the Greek love of smashing porcelain is well known. The Germans too share this fondness for destruction. Literally meaning “eve of making a racket” this is usually celebrated the night before a wedding and involves friends and family coming together to smash a bunch of porcelain for good luck.
The traditions related with polter night are likely pre-Christian in origin. Stoneware and porcelain (never glass) are violently destroyed by friends and family the day before the wedding to ward off bad spirits. The betrothed is generally responsible for sweeping up the fragments. To symbolise the end of bachelorhood, polter night in North Germany concludes with the burning of the groom’s trousers or the bride’s bra at midnight, whose ashes are buried next to a bottle of schnaps that is to be drunk a year later.
The Germans are rather fond of playing games at weddings, a particular favourite is Baumstamm sägen – sawing a tree trunk. Whilst in Australia we may consider the act of severing wood to be the exclusive domain of strapping young men at the Easter show, in Germany brides are often expected to don a pair of gloves and start sawing away at a log of wood with their grooms shortly after their ceremony.
It’s an old custom to let the newlywed pair saw a log right after the wedding ceremony. It’s critical to push and pull in a balanced and well-timed manner. It shows how effectively the pair can work together to achieve success – cute!
Hens and bucks parties aren’t quite as popular in Germany as they may be in Australia, the US or the UK but when Germans do partake in the practice they call it Junggesellenabschied. This literally means ‘bachelors farewell’. As the respective bride or groom goes along their merry party-hopping way, they are required to sell things like shots and condoms carried on a little tray to strangers in the street.
Whilst some may consider it an act of sacrilege to destroy a piece of the brides outfit, Schleiertanz – the veil dance – involves just that. It all starts when the brides veil is taken and she and her husband are made to dance under it. Once the music has stopped, single women then try to rip off pieces of it.
Whoever collects the largest piece is said to be the next to marry. A variation of this tradition is having guests throw money on the veil. We prefer this version, and so would brides who are particularly fond of their veils.
The German practice of personalized invites puts our meager written invitations to shame. For their wedding invitations the Germans employ the services of a personal inviter. Adorned with ribbons and flowers the official inviter goes door to door to extend a personal rhyming invitation to the guests.
The custom is called Brautentführung, and in some regions Brautstehlen. Before the wedding, it was common practise in Germany to literally ‘steal’ the bride. The best man of the groom was tasked with bringing the bride on a bar crawl while leaving clues for the groom to discover them. The bride and her ‘kidnapper’ may drink until the groom arrived and paid the bill to ‘rescue’ his bride. Bride-napping is becoming increasingly widespread in villages these days.
The typical bridal attire in Germany differs somewhat from that in the West. While a German bride would almost always wear a white gown on her wedding day, large, sweeping trains are rare. Most German brides prefer ballgown-style gowns without a train, with a fingertip-length veil unless in a church, in which case a floor-length, cathedral-style veil is chosen.
The bride should pay for her bridal shoes with cent coins to demonstrate that she is a prudent spender. One of these pennies can be kept and placed in the bride’s left shoe during the wedding, insuring the bride’s fortune and love. Symbolically, one of the bride’s bridal shoes is auctioned off during the wedding ceremonies for the grrom to make the winning bid and return it to his bride.
On her wedding day, the bride carries a bit of salt and bread as an omen for a bountiful harvest, while the husband carries grain for good luck and fortune, according to an ancient custom still practised in some regions of Germany.
Every German marriage is made legal at a civil registry office, the Standesamt. Nothing that happens in a church or a barn afterwards is what actually marries you. Couples often do the Standesamt weeks or months ahead with only witnesses present, then hold the celebration separately.
Friends and family produce a printed newspaper about the couple: childhood photographs, interviews with their parents, invented headlines, quizzes. It is handed out at the reception and often sold to guests, with the proceeds going to the couple. It is one of the most common German wedding customs and one of the least written about in English.
Germany, Austria and Switzerland share most of these customs but not all of them, and Bavaria runs its own versions. Log sawing is strongest in the south. Dirndl and lederhosen appear at Bavarian receptions in a way they never would in Hamburg. If you are attending a wedding in the south, expect more folk dress and more games.
Cash is the norm rather than a registry, and it is usually presented creatively: folded into origami, baked into a cake, pinned to a line. Brautgeld, literally bride money, is the older name for the custom of guests contributing to the couple’s start. There is no fixed figure, and the honest guide is to cover roughly what your seat costs and add what you can.
Planning a wedding in Germany or the wider DACH region? Speak with a Wonderland Luxury Advisor, browse destination weddings in Europe, or read our guides to Greek wedding traditions and Turkish wedding traditions.
This one depends on many different factors. How close you are to the couple, where the wedding is held and the type of celebration all determine your outfit. Typically anything from cocktail to formal is acceptable and to your discretion!
Some choose to decorate with cornflowers (Germany’s national flower) within their floral arrangements. The blue-violet colour they exude serve for stunning decor.
Wedding bands are traditionally worn on the right hand in Germany. The engagement ring is traditionally worn on the left hand, however many couples do not wear an engagement ring at all. After the couple gets married, the engagement ring is replaced with a wedding ring, which is generally a plain band, on the right hand to symbolise the shift in social position.
Marry at the Standesamt first, then celebrate. The night before is the Polterabend, where guests smash porcelain and the couple sweeps it up together. On the day, the newlyweds saw a log in half, the bride is usually kidnapped at some point, and the veil dance closes the night.
There is no fixed amount, and cash is expected rather than gifts. The common guide is to cover the cost of your own seat and add what you can. Presentation matters more than the figure, which is why money often arrives folded, baked or pinned.
Cash, usually given creatively, and contributions to the Hochzeitszeitung. Porcelain is the one thing not to give, because it belongs to the Polterabend and gets smashed.
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