Society bible Tatler has produced a ridiculous guide to toddler etiquette and not just for the posh baby.
The guide entails how children should behave “in toddler company” and provides tips to deal with children in the presence of adults. The guide also details how to deal with what Tatler bizarrely calls (and excuse the French) the a***hole child.
“Sometimes your toddler will be the a***hole. (Sometimes, presumably, you are the a***hole.) As long as there is no violence, then ‘BE NICE!!!!!!!’ is kind of pointless. Just have loads of fun until the a***hole decides it’s boring to be the a***hole. The child currently basking in the role of the angel will be the a***hole someday soon. Oh yes”.
But it gets weirder than that. The guide includes the proper etiquette needed when dealing with arguments over the dress-up box…naturally. “In every fancy-dress box there lies a favourite. For goodness’ sake, allow the host child to wear his/her favourite. Would you let a complete stranger snatch your most treasured possession just to prove you are big-hearted? If you would, then seek help”.
And for the parent that allows its newly potty-trained “maniac” to sit on anything that may be hard to clean, or valuable, or antique? It’s their job to drag them to the bathroom at short intervals to make sure it doesn’t happen since “nothing is the toddler’s fault”.
The guide does pleasantly encourage dancing as it provides joy. But insists you let the child’s dance moves play out without drawing attention to the child and if they get a bit loud the guide advises to “remove the offender immediately or you are ruining everything for everyone”.
Read the controversial guide here and make sure to share your thoughts with us.
Article written by Alison Donnellan