Despite how hard scientists try, there’s never been a study that shows a proven method for finding your soulmate. From lust, timing, compatibility and family, there are so many factors involved that you can’t predict the course of love, let alone control it.
However, Director of Sexual Health Australia, sex therapist and relationship counsellor, Desiree Spierings says that there are ways to maximise your chances of finding Prince (or Princess) Charming.
1. Get Intimate
No, not in that way! Desiree spoke to SBS and explained that you can manipulate the social environment (whether you’re on a date or at a club) to make him feel a ‘closeness’ with you. She explains, “Research has indicated that if we share intimate details with one another it can potentially help with feeling more attracted to a person and falling in love with them.”
So, if you want him to swoon, give him a snippet of personal information, or make him think you’ve let him in on something you wouldn’t usually share openly.
2. Get Scared
Another way to speed up the ‘soulmate’ process is to get scared with your potential Groom. Desiree reveals that it’s been proven that by doing something scary together will increase the feelings of attraction between you two. “This is due to a misattribution of physiological arousal (the fear response), since similar hormones increase when we are scared compared to when we are highly attracted to someone,” she says.
Our advice? Head to a scary movie, ride a rollercoaster or conquer a fear together (like sky diving).
To create a deeper connection with your potential soulmate, you’ve got to move beyond small talk about the weather, weekend plans and work. Start asking him questions that will really allow you to get to know him – things like family, culture, religion and his past.
4. Let Him In
You need to be prepared to let him in and show him vulnerability. When you share your intimate thoughts, the other person will do the same. Desiree explains, “We feel like we matter. It helps us bond and feel connected, but it’s important that both parties are sharing. It shouldn’t be one person talking and the other listening. Then it becomes very one-sided.”
5. Find Yourself
Before you can commit to someone else, you’ve got to ensure you have an understanding of what you want. This will help you determine what you want from a partner, as well as what you’d like your future to look like.
6. Get the Timing
Timing is everything when it comes to finding your soulmate. You need to make sure you’ve worked through negative experiences and are ready for a serious relationship.
7. Know It’s Not Perfect
The biggest mistake people make when looking for their soulmate is assuming that once they’ve fallen in love, everything will be ‘perfect’. Desiree disagrees, “it’s not falling in love that is the hard part, it is staying in love. The same as a garden, you need to keep giving beautiful flowers water and care for them to continue to blossom.”
Image from Sarah and Christopher’s Wedding. Photography by onelove photography.