This year, we hosted Wedded Wonderland’s very first Mother’s Day forum, with some of the wedding industry’s most renowned women, as well as a few of our own Mums sharing their insights into marriage. Over high tea and canapés, we discussed all the biggest topics to do with relationships and motherhood. We all learned something new on this wonderful day!
The first topic discussed was the lessons our special mums learned since marriage – and boy, we learned a whole lot!
Love changes. It goes from being this passionate love affair to being a relationship that is part of you. You are two halves to a whole, instead of being separate beings. As time passes, it’s not that you fall more or less in love, it’s just a different type of love.
The hard times are the times that you feel most ‘together’ as a husband and wife. When you are challenged with business, your career or your family, it brings you and your husband together because you have to lean on each other and work with one another. My husband Dean and I have Inlighten Photography together, which adds another element to the marriage, but I can’t imagine it any other way. It can be tricky to remember to keep a romantic side to the relationship, especially when you are trying to balance work and children. It takes ongoing effort to make sure we have regular date nights where it is just the two of us. Over time, I’ve found that there’s three different Rachaels – the wife, the Mum and the business partner and it’s about getting these Rachaels to work together and flow into each other.
You’ll find your marriage falling into the same patterns as your parents, even if you swore you’d never be like your Mum or Dad. It’s not something that necessarily needs to be stopped, but it’s important that you and your husband are aware of this.
I’ve been married for six years this year and we have three girls under the age of five. Over this time, I’ve learnt that respect is the most important part of a marriage. Love is important, but it’s not as important as respecting your partner. You need to walk together and be equal.
Always consider the feelings and value the opinion of your partner, never failing to communicate and compromise. Talk and treat your partner the way you would want to be treated.
Communication and understanding how each of you communicate is also important. I find that I’m the type of personality who likes to break the ice and I’ll never let us go to sleep fighting. You need to know how to deal with disagreements and know the best time to work things out, for example, maybe you need to wait for each other to cool down and get over the initial emotion. Treat your husband the way you want to be treated.
Not much has changed in my relationship since my husband and I got married. One thing that he was upfront about from the outset was that his work is a huge priority in his life. Patrick works seven days a week at Nader Jewellers because his customers are so important to him and he has the huge responsibility of managing a family business that his Father started from scratch. I agreed that I would understand how important his work was and help support him in achieving his career goals and because of this, I don’t let it upset me that his isn’t home most days.
Never forget the spark that brought you both together, and know that marriage is not a two way street. It’s a one way path you walk together in, and are both equally responsible for the path it takes your family. So take the journey and walk hand in hand as one.
This year, I celebrated my 21st wedding anniversary with my husband. It’s my second marriage and I’ve learnt a lot throughout the years. The first is that a marriage needs to be nurtured. It is something that requires constant attention. It needs work and effort put into it. It can be hard, but you need to find the time to prioritise your marriage.
Never underestimate the importance of complimenting each other. Often, we compliment friends and colleagues, but forget to give our partners genuine compliments.
Make sure you both have the same morals and ethics. These are the foundation of every person and if yours don’t align with your partner’s, a long-term relationship is never going to work.
To be friends is a one of the most important things in the relationship. All marriages have their ups and downs but when the couple are friends above all, there will always be that extra communication and understanding level #marryyourbestfriend
Never go to bed unhappy or angry… problems always seem bigger at night. I learnt it is always better to talk and try to fix any misunderstanding before going to bed no matter how upset I am.
Finally, you not only marry your partner but you also marry his/her family.
I’ve learnt about myself more than anything and about compromise, patience and commitment.
I’ve also learnt that marriage is a journey, as you’re both constantly evolving and learning about each other. It’s not a smooth journey, either. You need to stay focused, because you’ve chosen this person for life. Work at it and don’t treat it as disposable.
I’ve been married twice and had two serious relationships since, so I have learnt quite a lot! Firstly, marriage is a two-way street and it’s never going to work if your husband isn’t as committed as you are. You can give it everything, but if your partner isn’t doing the same, it’s bound to fail.
My first marriage was at 19 and he was the first man I dated and fell for. My Father pressured me to get married and move out, so I accepted his proposal. The marriage only lasted for a year, because we were so young and never really tried. It was an amicable break-up, though.
The 2nd marriage was after I’d been dating my second husband for five years and we ended up having three children together. Each marriage and relationship makes you a stronger person and highlights how short life really is.
As I’ve matured, I taken a different stance when I go into relationships. I go in with a list of things that are important to me in a partner. I’ve also learnt to cut a relationship short if he’s not the right one, because you’ll never be able to change a person. I’ve gone from falling deeply in love, to being more aware when I start a relationship. I understand myself and that I am a personality that can be manipulated, so I have to be more guarded.
Despite all of this, I still believe that it is possible for a marriage to last forever and I still aim to have this type of relationship.
Wedded Wonderland’s Mother’s Day Forum: Photography Inlighten Photography Panel Discussion Rachael Bentick Bridal Coach Venue Wedded Wonderland Event Styling Events By Nadia Catering Top Cat Catering Cake Design The Cake King Tea and Macarons Laduree Makeup Sarah Marie Makeup Hair Styling Hair By Bernadette