1.
(Wedding) Priest: They’ve written their vows
Table of Contents
Wife: *recites beautiful vows* Me: *takes out notecard* I love you and cheese the same amount
— Snow Bice (@Pro_Jones_) January 10, 2016
2.
If I have to wear a strapless bra on my wedding day it will go from being the best day of my life to being the f#*@(#& worst.
— Mae (@mzeld) July 29, 2012
3.
Any wedding can be a fairy tale wedding if you serve porridge and release three angry bears into the reception hall
— Jeff Wysaski (@pleatedjeans) September 15, 2014
4.
“Webster’s Dictionary defines ‘Susan’ as ‘Not my real mom and never will be’…”
– Opening line of the toast I’m giving at my dad’s wedding
— Eireann Dolan (@EireannDolan) December 28, 2012
5.
[wedding reception] DAVE IS HAVIN A SEIZURE
Paramedic: How long has he been having convulsions?
IDK HE’S WHITE, I THOUGHT HE WAS DANCING
— Reverend Scott (@Reverend_Scott) August 14, 2015
6.
GF: “you’re so childish”
me: “it’s my day too linda” [we sit in silence]
wedding planner: “so is that a yes or a no on the bouncy castle?”
— k e e t (@KeetPotato) July 31, 2015
7.
[phone w/ fiancé] Hey, I can still pick whatever suit I like for the wedding right?
“As long as its black, why?”
*wearing batsuit*
No reason
— Thynebear (@Thynebear) July 12, 2015
8.
I didn’t know when your wedding was because you spelled out the date and time like a goddamn medieval sorcerer.
— Cleve (@turbomanatee) June 6, 2014
9.
[at a wedding] *bridesmaids walk to stage* 5 year old: Does he get to pick?
— Brian C. Thayer (@briancthayer) May 17, 2015
10.
Just got my invitation to Lady Gaga’s wedding reception. I can choose between beef or chicken. Not for the meal, that’s the dress code.
— Bryan Donaldson (@TheNardvark) February 18, 2015
11.
Everyone says they want a fairytale wedding. But when I show up and curse their firstborn, suddenly I’m the jerk…
— milk (@miilkkk) August 30, 2014
12.
Why do people insist on saying “You’re next” to me at weddings? Do they not realize how serial killery that is?
— Cara Warnar (@careworn) July 10, 2013
Main image from petergubernat.com
